Faith ~In my Powerless Self~

The light that has always been there has faded away
leaving me alone,
Touching and holding onto nothing in invincible air,
I have nowhere to run or hide,

The heat that scorches me as I walk on in this desert
is showing no mercy like me,
As if the whiff of death has caught up with me this far,
I realised I am just as powerless,

No matter how much I have fought, I continued until the end,
All for what I believed in,
Though my prayers remained unanswered, I continued to have faith
in my weak self,
Because that is just who I have always been.

My past keeps creeping back, never letting me out of its grasp,
I cannot escape it,
The skeletons that I have buried are digging out of the grounds
and haunting me everyday,

Day by day, night by by night under the sun and the moonshine
I hoped to return to the past,
Pouring out all my regrets that cannot be changed by anyone,
I can only walk and face myself,

The tides of time and pain will never give way to anybody,
Not even the most powerful,
I will not allow myself to suffer anymore, though I am as weak
as anyone else in this world…

Everyone can deny that they have no suffering in themselves
but I know that is not true,
We all regret something someday somewhere in our temporary lives,
I am not an exception,

The frustrating storm never goes away forever
but I will fight even with my bare hands,
When tomorrow sheds it’s light on me, I want to be able to
put my hands up in the air, push all my fears away
and smile bravely to the endless skies.

Immature Jealousy ~Demento~

Stay away, come if you dare,
This feeling embraces my soul,
My abyss darkens even more,
The whiteness of it is dirty again,

My head spins uncontrollably,
Sing for me, the song of tears,
No one knows of my darkness,
You and me are now hand in hand,

Now, jealousy is a painful lover,
He creeps to me with his hands on my soul,
My very heart is at its wits end,
Come, now, my anger surges,

The overwhelming heat that despairs my thoughts,
That clouds my judgment is so stubborn,
Take my hand and I might just make you shed your tears,
I feel this way because I am that way…

Jealousy is like a poison,
One that no one can really hide,
He clenches my soul in his arms,
I am falling again into that pit that he created for me.

I can hear you whisper my name,
In your breath, while you hold my heart,
They say that ignorance is bliss,
But you will not let me get away from you,

The density of this feeling is conquering my very mind,
I can turn to no one but myself ,
My head is spinning from misery,
Now he is tearing me away…

Jealousy is like a venom
whose hands do not wish me to go but stay with him.

Somnium Fragminis ~Noctis~

English: Dream Fragments ~Of the Night~

Sleep until the sky turns bright,
when you wake up you will be alone again,
Close your eyes until the sun shines,
when you open them the only thing you see that awaits you is your own shadow.

The colourless fragments
of memories are like old films,
Watch as they become moldy
and forgotten like those who have passed,

Now the time has gone so far away,
You are now tired and sleepy,
In the nights, alone I become,
You cannot hear my tale,

Feast upon what dreams shall offer you,
no one will know your joy when they vanish by daylight.
When you open your glass-like eyes,
it will be time for me to leave for slumber.

Here you are as I sit nearby,
the enchantment of the melody I play echoes through,
Yet you remain still in bed,
my noble violin sings to your deaf ears,

Still, I play, I trill, I fiddle,
Shine, the stars, the moon, so pretty,
Sleep, you, I am watching you,
The memories you collect in your dream,

Now the clock hands strike the hour,
the beginning and ending are clashing.
I continue to play my piece,
after the last note you will awaken from your sleep.

Butterfly ~In your memory~ (Tribute to Jasmine You)

I just found out today that Jasmine You, the bassist of my favourite band, Versailles, has left us all yesterday, 9th April . Hence, all of Versailles plans have been postponed. With hopes that he will rest in peace. Here is a tribute to him. May he live on forever in us.

The flowers spreading its scent across the field,
The butterfly dances in unmatched grace,
Now the butterfly is gone forever,
The flower field is no longer what it used to be,

“Live on, the world watches you,
You who keeps silent while you dance”,
Will there be another that can take your place?
The floraison of roses are now still,

Now the masquerade of beauty is empty,
The ballroom of flowers with the sweetest scents in the world,
The reality so dark feels like a dream,
These flowers are now soaked in tears,

The unexpected pain of your disappearance
spreads away into the lives of those who watch you,
Now that death has claimed his price on your soul,
The world is flooded with sorrow and grief for you,

The butterfly in beautiful colours is no longer here,
Is this just another sad dream?
Everyone wants to wake up from it,

The lights that glitter as your fragile wings cover
the sun that looks so small at a certain angle is pretty,
The smile that cannot be seen by the naked eye
is now so far away, so unreachable to the world,

The unknown, is it to be feared?
The picturesque field of roses is now so plain,
The hearts that have fallen to the ground,
The sadness so profound, their prayers want to reach you,

The time that remains goes on while hearts shatter,
While tears fall from sad eyes, while they mourn for the butterfly,
The butterfly has entered the eternal dream,
Never to return to this world that cries in grief,

The flowers are now crying for the butterfly,
Calling for the butterfly, wondering where did it go,
The memorial of roses for the butterfly is already starting,
Now the pain of death redeems the heartless…

Goodbye, Jasmine-san.

Melancholy ~Les fleurs du ciel~

My shadow follows me everywhere,
Her smile waning the saddest of all her expressions,
The snow continues to fall on
the grounds that I have beautifully bloodied,

On my hands, they fall slowly,
I succumb into sorrow,
Slowly, my heart begins to break away,
The emotions that rave from it are freezing still,

If I were to cry, let it be in my hands,
My tears, let them fall onto my sinful black heart,
If I were to fall, let me embrace my monstrous blade,
My blood, let it fall onto the pure white snowy grounds…

The sun shines so weakly in the skies,
The corpses of my enemies pile up behind me,
My laments are covered with my white breath,
Now I am walking this lonely world with my broken heart,

The roses wilt in despair,
the pain that caresses my soul,
The thorny vines that clench my vessel
continues to pierce me until I bleed,

If I were to die, let it be in this empty world,
My darkness, let it sink with me when I disappear,
If I were to smile, let that be the last thing
that I will show this world before my soul returns to the sky,

Once again, this melancholy gives me
the kiss of eternal suffering,
Now I am screaming inside, crying inside,
my miserable self…

The snowflakes keep falling and falling from the skies,
My tears are now frozen like Heaven’s flowers,
My blade whitens as it turns to cold steel,
The blood that I have shed are now spreading away,

The roses that bloom in my undying misery
are bleeding before me as I lose my emotions,
My very soul and my black heart are now
complete…

Angelus

Had the urge. Itchy hands even when I’m sick…

My heart beating alone in the dunes of Earth,
Am I really alive or dead?
Reality so harsh, as heavy as my chains,
I carry forth my sorrow and sins,

My wings shadow me from the despair that I have been fighting with,
The abyss in my heart sinks my memories away into power,

The thorns of misery pierce my burning flesh,
The only one who can save me is myself,
The pain, in time, will be a small pleasure,
The only thing that keeps my heart burning.

Everyone is afraid of the unknown
but I see it as something exciting,
Have I been stolen of my human feelings?
This mortal life is turning from ashes to dust,

Death’s whisper is so close, from a distance his chains knock the floors he walk,
Before I resign to my fate, hear this prayer from me…

“My time on this ground where mortals walk
is finally coming to an end,
If the humans can save themselves,
Then my last wish is granted,

To a land more distant than the stars,
With my chains, I will bear my punishments,
Their hopes and prayers, may it carry through
to the place even higher than the skies.”

Derange Angel -You who is within the mirror-

Another one… I must be on a roll….

(written on 15th June 2009)

My reflection dancing within the mirror,
Is it real or just an imagination?
Am I so alone because you are not here?

Embracing your clothes
until I cry in madness,
You who are not here, I am going derange,

Your smell lingers around them
like roses that are about to bloom,
I put them on and embrace my reflection in the mirror…

My reflection in the mirror,
You who wear his clothes and dance as the night goes on,
Why is it I do not feel the same?

A thin, unbreakable glass separates us,
You who twist and turn in my despair,
I want to see him so badly…

I wish the hours would go by
with the skies dark forever,
You beyond this glass wall, what do you wish for?

Lying on the floor
like a doll that fell from a chair,
In my arms, I hold the keepsake of my late beloved,

You with transparent wings,
My derange angel, you who dance in his clothes,
Be him and love me with your loveless heart,

The chains that cast me
deeper and deeper into sorrow, my reflection laughs at me and scorns me,
Are you watching me intently?

The moon and stars
shining in my eyes, my love that turned cold and broken like my heart,
My reflection continues to dance in the mirror.

Glass Rose

Alright! Another poem from me. If you read it, you will know what it’s about. Let’s start!

The glass petals that reflect me,
My reflection like an illusion,
The glass petals that I can see through,
You are loveliest at the hour of pain,

My tears are your blood,
My coldness are your thorns,
With my fingers, I touch you
who could break so easily,

I said “Close to me, I shall hold thee,
the glass rose that resembles my heart,
fragile and so easily broken,
my darkness shall protect thy purity.”

The crystal clear blood you shed,
Like holy water, pure and untainted,
With me, I keep you
because none can hold you gently,

When you vanish, my heart vanishes,
Into thin air, you cannot be found,
The everlasting death that shall reap you from me,
Your shadow and mine that will fade from mortal earth,

I said, “Thou who is my heart,
the immortal sorrow that haunts me
will stop when the angels sing their choir,
Until then, my darkness shall protect thy joy.”

The glass rose that reflects light into my abyss,
You who is my fragile heart behind an iron wall,
The glass rose that reflects illusions,
The time will come when you will bleed no more.

いとしい テディー

Well, I like my teddy bear Albert. But leaving teddy is a step to maturity. To be a full Aristocrat, I have to discard Albert. Unfortunately, I’m not very willing.

I guess it can be concluded as the reason why my Gothic-ness and Lolita-ness are both at the same level.

Here’s another poem. Enjoy…

(written on 27th April 2009)

Oh Teddy, do you want to know what happened today?
My beloved broke my heart and left me to cry alone,
Oh Teddy, do you know how sad I am right now?
But with you by my side, this sorrow is sure to subside.

When we turn and dance together, I am in an ever fleeting joy,
When I close my eyes in the midnight hour, you make me feel safe.

Good night my dear beloved Teddy, I shall see you in the morning,
When my eyes open from the night, your smile is sure to stay for me.

When we sidestep and twist together, my heart raptures with my soul,
Oh Teddy, you are my ever so dear lovely faithful friend.

So I say good night my dear beloved Teddy, forever our bond will never break,
When dawn comes, you are sure to be sitting and smiling next to me.

Good night my dear beloved Teddy, always protecting me from nightmares,
When the sun shines into my room, you are always sure to see my awakening.

Memento Mori

Alright, here is another sad emo poem that I’ve written. The theme of my poems are normally dark. This one is about a vampire who wants to know how it feels to walk in daylight but it is impossible.

Trapped in the prison of shadows,
Only to cast my sight to the stars,
The eternal window to the world can never die or close in anyway,

When dawn comes,
I will remember
“Memento mori,” said someone to me,

To hide behind the cloak of the night,
Protected from light,
I yearn to reach out to the golden light,

But this eternal curse I’m condemn to
will never release me,
I can only watch my wish sink into dusk,

In my slumber,
I dreamed that day will come,
But am I ready to pay with my life?

The moonlight shines into my prison
as I let myself drown
into the sea of bloody memories,

Since I cannot reach my wish that is right before me
as I’m chained to the shadows,
I could only watch the hours of light go by,

“Memento mori”,
that is what someone said to me when I watched dawn come,

Even when time stops, the eternal window is open,
Even when the world falls to the abyss, this curse remains,
The curtains of darkness is never drawing a close
for those who are like me…